Social Media Detox

Assalamualaikum and Hye everyone

So, its been almost a year since I started my own Business Online (its @bysyuhadahengku in instagram :D). Tak pernah terlintas langsung difikiran that someday ill be in this field, walaupon masih secara kecil-kecilan for now (doakan its going well dan makin berkembang please) . I was always a buyer back then..heee so being a seller myself, never crosses my mind. I dont have many good friends, I am not good at communicating with people so doing business is definitely out of my comfort zone. But I guess when yore desperate we just gotta do it. And yes I planned but Allah's Plan is always the best.

Ada banyak sebab why I started this business online. Sebab utamanya bukan untuk ada pendapatan sendiri. Well, yes for someone who doesnt really know how to ask for money unless its super important, having my own money is quite helpful but on top of that I just wanted to get connected with other people, have something to do, have some achievement....

Okay macam dah jauh terpesong dari main topic je kan. Mari kembali ke pangkal jalan..hehe

Doing business online, my main medium untuk berjual beli ( Im a dropshipper) of course adalah Social Media which makes me have to be with the phone a lot. Tapi at the same time, dari mula Hanan lahir ive been trying to not use the phone bila ada dengan Hanan. But the thing is Hanan is with me like all the time. Bila Hanan tidur I was rushing to do the cooking so I end up curi-curi tengok fon. Penat tau updating and replying message customer curi-curi ni, I couldnt think properly and it makes my brain macam penat sangat...haha. I also notice that I couldnt really focus on Hanan bila main and talking to her. My mind macam spliting macamtu. Sambil main nak kena fikir message customer. I also end up using the fon lebih kerap waktu malam. dan makin lama I started to use the phone lebih kerap depan Hanan to update my post and reply all the messages. This makes me feel super bad. I've been trying to do a time table to manage my time playing with hanan and doing my business tapi its tough..huhuh...

Lately I havent been feeling quite well too. I easily get headache. My eyes, my head feels so tired but my body isnt. I couldnt focus on things that I do and I sort of have anxiety and I couldnt sleep well. Dan semua ni tentunya akan beri kesan pada Hanan. How can a tired, not feeling well and emosi tak stabil mom jaga, treat, communicate and play with her daughter well.

We have decided to send Hanan to pre school next year just to let her mix around with kids her age. So ada around sebulan macamtu je lagi I will be having her full-time. I really wanted to focus on her and give my very best. So I needed to be fit, healthy and happy as I can be. So I have decided that I need some break from my phone.

Ok kalau meluah perasaan tentang ni, bad feeling the good feeling memang akan panjang. So im going to keep it short and write another post tentang perasaan tu :D

So.....what I really hope that I can do during this Phone Break is

1. Improve my ibadah, perhangat my hafazan
2.I wanted to read a lot (books on parenting, business, novels)
3. kalau ada peluang, I wanted to join seminar on business
4. Write
5. Menjahit ( at least dapat siapkan baju hanan dan baju abah)
7. Transfer segala gambar dalam fon, siapakn my photobook, print pictures dari gambar kahwin sampai sekarang
8. Do some maths
9. a well plan and fun activity with Hanan

Its actually part of the process to discipline myself. You know how social media and phones can really make you waste your time and be less productive (walaupon it started with nak promote product). so this is a must walaupon it means that I will be losing a lot of customers, dicampak ke group cengkerik sebab tak ada sale. insyaAllah hoping to come back dengan lebih sihat, cergas dan berdisipin. Moga Allah bantu.

ok so till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

A post a year?

Assalamualaikum

OMG my previous post was 1 year apart from the post before..haha. is this going to be one year one post? no no please dont. I wanted to write soooo many things here especially all the updates on Hanan.And I also need to write more often to get my brain moving and improving my wriitng skill

However lets just do some updates here

Well, Hanan is currently 2 years and 10 month old. She will be 3 this Christmas. How time flies kan. Still the only child, ibu havent conceived yet. Still trying but its okay lets just cherish every single moment dengan Hanan, insyaAllah.

Instead of doing my full time job, jaga Hanan I am currently doing some business online too, alhamdulillah. Just some dropshipping for now to get to know this business world. Alhamdulillah I love that I have something that I get to do, gain a little of my own money and get connected to others (walaupon dalam alam maya je kan :D). Tapi I am struggling with time management sebab Hanan wanted my attention all the time and I always feel bad kalau kena pegang fon depan Hanan. But ibu cuba take that as a challenge and try to manage my time well. Apa-apa pon Hanan emotion and physically needs always my priority insyaAllah.

Been doing some Play and Learn activity with Hanan to keep her occupied all day long dekat rumah which I wanted to jot all of it here tapi tak dan lagi. hopefully I'll be able to write it down as soon as possible risau takut jadi macam all those first step, first teeth and any other moment with Hanan

Okay, till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

Excellence begins at home

Assalamualaikum.

So, on cuti Maulidurrasul baru-baru ni ibu, abah and Hanan berkesempatan join a short parenting talk by Puan Noor Hayati Abdul Hamid, pengassas Naluri Kreatif. Ibu memang selalu look forward to parenting workshop or talk. Kalau ada rezeki, I would love to join.

Instead of gaining new knowledge on parenting, sebenarnya kenapa ibu memang suka sangat join a parenting talk is because I get the energy and macam recharging my parenting mood.  I do have days that I feel so down. So bila sekali sekala surrounded by energy the speaker sendiri, lepastu the participant yang sama-sama trying to be a much better parent ibu rasa semangat la sikit.

Anyway, talk yang ibu join ni was on excellence begins at home and it was a very short session. Memang I wish I could learn more from the speaker but still alhamdulillah it was a great opportunity. The main concern of the speaker sebenarnya kenapa peranan parents dekat rumah is so important (no matter how good the school you send the kids to, you're working or stay at home) is because mental health issues in our citizen semakin meningkat starting at a very young age. This is a very serious issue sebab these kids are going to be the leader of our country, nation, religion in the future. How can a leader lead well with mental health problem
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This is actually a very challenging task untuk parents nowadays sebab most of us are tired, stress, emosi tak stabil, sibuk so somehow our reaction and attention tend to hurt these kids feeling yang so fragile which may lead to mental health issues.
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But somehow we need to manage that. Manage our stress. Take a me time, deligate house work with our partner, manage kerja kita dengan baik or whatever we need untuk pastikan emosi kita stabil so that we can communicate well dengan anak-anak.

So ibu, please manage that emosi tak stabil segala. Hanan is very sensitive, curious and observant little girl. May Allah guide and help ibu and abah to manage our own emotion, make us happy so that we cam give the best to our Lil Hanan, insyaAllah.

Ok, Till Then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

Why tired moms stayed up late

Assalamualaikum and hye everyone.

Hari tu konon acah-acah nak buat come back and write more often. Often la sangat kan.

Anyway, back to the topic..

Masa zaman remaja, anak dara and muda-mudi dulu I used to love to sleep..haha..I am the kind of type yang selalu tido awal. The only time I stayed up late is bila esok nak exam sebab study last minute 😁. Tapi masa master memang Lena selalu stay up late la sebab setiap masa ada test, assignment, etc etc and Skype dengan Mr Kimi di Delft (eh 😁). Selepas kahwin pun, I rarely stayed up late. Mr kimi pon bukan sejenis suka tidur lewat sebab selalu prefer untuk bangun awal.

However, after being a mom everything changed.. Now, I usually will stay up after putting Hanan to sleep. Walaupon selalunya masa tidurkan Hanan I was like so sleepy and tertidur together with Hanan I will usually woke up again. Ergh so not me..

Its because I need my ME TIME

Walaupon agak penat and I would really love to snuggle in bed by my baby after a long day before Hanan calls for some more milk and cuddles, I mean the bed is so tempting tapi I just need my time alone (or accompanied by Mr Kimi)

I am a stay at home mom. Dari bangun until Hanan sleep everything I do is mostly about house chores and her. Sekarang Hanan only nap once a day around 10 am which I usually used that time to cook for lunch. After that I will be playing with Hanan or do house work together with Hanan, setakat yang termampu la sebab Hanan is super clingy. Of course la, Hanan being just an almost 2 years old girl would not be all nice and polite and behave all day. Everyday I would be facing a 'happy, cheerful then a never stop whining and then cry and wanting ibu by her side all the time' kid. It needs a very high level of patient and calmness to face that.

Everyday I would try to give my best to Hanan. But there are times when I couldn't gives Hanan my 100%. I couldn't remain calm when Hanan annoys or upsets me. I started to raise my voice or even ignore her (sebab tengah cuba sabarkan diri). Selain daripada I was so afraid that Hanan was hurt emotionally because of what I did, it actually gives a really bad effect on me too (I'm hurt emotionally too, pretty bad) sebab I keep regretting what I did to Hanan and feels like a really bad mom and it leads to some sort f depression on me.

At first I thought it was because I feel tired from doing all the housework together with taking care of Hanan. So sometimes I would tell my husband that I dont feel like cooking or I just wanted to rest that day. Tp it doesn't work (But sometimes I really do want an off day from housework, I dont even want to see the kitchen...haha). On that 'kind' of day I usually prefer to do the house work rather than entertaining Hanan. I feel so bad bout that about.

Then I realized I get so stressed because I need sometime to just focus on me. I just need that time alone doing something that has nothing to do with housework or Hanan to recharge my self especially emotionally and spiritually. Alhamdulillah setakat ni Hanan memang sejenis yang tidur awal. Paling lewat pon until 9pm Something (akan terjaga beberapa kali untuk susu) so I get to enjoy my me time awal sikit and doesn't have to sleep too late (kadang-kadang memang terlewat jugak Sebab sayangnya nak lepaskan waktu sendiri ni 😁)

I used to post about how I am always in dilemma between catching up sleep and enjoying my me time and I get quite few feedback that they rather sleep and their me time is with their family. Mula-mula tu rasa macam teruk jugak la, rasa macam selfish sangat. Ye la, staying up late means bangun pagi nanti penat skit la tak berapa nak cergas sangat untuk layan Hanan n Mr kimi. Tapi bila tengok balik yang says they rather sleep is usually a working mom. They went out, met other people, do nothing related to their house during the day and doesn't have to listen to their kids whining the whole day. They are tired and the first thing want to do bila balik is be with their family. So I guess keperluan setiap orang berbeza so memang tak boleh judge.

Bila sebut pasal me time memang kita selalu akan terfikir tentang enjoying coffee alone, tengok movie or read books or going shopping, means something foya-foya to have fun je. Yes very true, seronoknya dapat buat semua tu bila me-time (dapat makan tanpa gangguan is nikmat, window shopping is like a therapy..hehe) tapi for me, me time is much more than that. I need that time alone untuk perbaiki amal ibadat, tahu je la siang-siang hari solat cepat je, nak ambil wudhuk pon ad penunggu, time solat Ada je yang tarik-tarik telekung, kalau Hanan senyap je time solat lagi la risau asyik dok fikir ap dia tengah buat 😅.Dan of course to do many-many things dalam usaha untuk perbaiki diri contoh macam dapat jahit, baca buku, listen to tazkirah, plan for hanan's activities, read al-quran....

Memang rasa ada perubahan skit bila dapat ber me-time. Rasa lebih gembira n tenang walaupon still struggling setiap hari to be a better mom.. I always believe that happy mom will lead to a Happy family, insyaAllah.

Ok penat dah Mrs Kimi rant. Setelah sekian lama post ni tak berkesudahan..hehe

Whatsoever, moga Allah mudahkan semua urusan for me and other moms to be a much better person to our family,insyaAllah.

Till then,
May Allah Bless

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When the time is right..

Assalamualaikum wbt

Okay, this is actually an outdated post. dah sangat lama tulis ni (masa awal-awal discovered my pregnancy) tapi tak habis. I thought it is worth finishing and posting it since we are about to start our TTC journey again, insyaAllah.

so here is the real post

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The day I discovered that there is a little soul growing in my tummy, terus teringat my parents and my in laws. I was so excited to break the news to them. As the first daughter yang get married in the family, dan menantu sulung in my in law's family, I was always hoping that I could someday give my parents and my parents in laws cucu-cucu. Alhamdulillah finally Allah has given me the chance.

I have a beautiful and kind hearted mother in law. sepanjang almost three years I have been married to his eldest son, tak pernah sekali pon Ma bertanya tentang apa-apa sahaja yang berkaitan dengan me being pregnant walaupon deep down inside I know both my in laws memang teringin sangat nak cucu. About 5 month ago, my adik ipar got pregnant tapi not even once Ma mention about this to me. Dapat tahu about my SIL pregnancy pon by agak-agak je..hehe..

The day me and husband decided to break the news to my MIL that we are expecting a new member in the family, Subhanallah Ma was so happy, alhamdulillah. That was when Ma told me that she never talked to me about this matter because she believed that Allah will give to us when the time is right, so we should patiently wait and keep praying for the best.

Yes memang betul..Allah knows best. Memang rasa tempoh 3 years menunggu tu agak panjang, kadang-kadang terasa lelah menanti dan berusaha, astaghfirullahalazim. betapa lemahnya diri kan. Tapi bila difikirkan semula memang perancangan Allah tiada cacat celanya. Maha suci Allah yang Maha Mengetahui

Looking back at the past three years. Allah bagi kami suami isteri honeymoon lama sikit. Mungkin untuk sesi suai kenal sebelum memikul tanggungjawab yang jauh lagi besar. Me and husband tak pernah saling mengenali before getting married. Ni serius punya tak kenal. Memang tak pernah jumpa atau dengar suara. Berhubung pon only through emails bila terlalu perlu which is setiap email memang pendek-pendek just untuk selesaikan apa yang patut. Dua-dua pon memang dari latar belakang yang sangat jauh berbeza, lifestyle berbeza. To be honest memang it took me sometime to get used to living with my husband. To be at the point we are now which is we can accept each other's weakness and  lebih mudah untu berbincang about apa-apa that we have in mind and walaupon we still do have misundertanding once a while tapi it is so much better compared to the early days of our marriage. Plus, all the things that we went through to conceived memang sangat berharga. All those time we went through together are so meaningful to us and I believed it made us so much close to each other and also to Allah SWT.  So, alhamdulillah for the time :)

Then, bila ingat balik how busy my husband was back in Holland and in JB memang rasa semuanya ada hikmah sangat. My husband was so busy with his study and I was trying my best to support him setakat termampu. His days mostly spent in his university dan selalunya sampai lewat malam and sometimes I would also be there to bring him some things to eat and to accompany him. Tipu la kalau tak teringin nak merasa having a baby and raising him/her in Holland but memang waktu tu was quite a stressful time for us. Jadi bila kadang-kadang orang cakap alahai Hanan lambat sangat keluar, tak merasa jadi orang Dutch I usually just smile and said Allah knows best :)

Whatever it is, lets just try to trust Allah plans. Dia yang cipta kita kan, He nows whats best for us. Tapi that doesnt mean we have to stop trying and hoping.

Till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

A come back?

Assalamualaikum wbt

Wow its been more than a year and a half since my last post. I've been wanting to write since Hanan was born (Yes our dear little angel was named Hanan). Theres so many things that I wanted to write. Of course most f it is about Hanan. The mom in me said that i should stop making excuses and starts writing. I mean i wanted to remember and cherish every moment with Hanan but I doesnt seems to remember exactly when did Hanan's first teeth comes out or when did she had her first step and everything else. I'm sooo getting old...haha. So i hope that i will be able to jot down here Hanan's development from time to time, my thoughts, feelings and experience in parenting and life and any kind of reminders for me as a servant of Allah, a mom, wife, daughter, siblings etc... And of course hopefully i could improve my writing skill by writing here. Rasa macam dah berkarat otak since duduk dekat rumah which is not good sebab i really wanted to be a stay at home mom yang active, knowledgeable, independent and has a lot skills.

So, bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Moga Allah mudahkan semua urusan to actively write here dan may it be something that will gives a lot of benefits in whatever way,insyaAllah.

Till then,

May Allah Bless~

Pregnancy Diary: Overdue

Assalamualaikum wbt

Today i am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Memang nervous dan berdebar je sentiasa menanti baby bagi signals untuk keluar. But alhamdulillah, i made it this far. All praise be to Allah.

Up to now, i have gained 20kg. Bayangkan la betapa besarnya and heavy i am. Jalan pon dah tak berapa stabil dah..heh. My tummy was super big since 8 bulan lagi. Kaki pon dah teramat sangat sembab. Semua orang around me especially makcik-makcik and nenek-nenek said that i will be giving birth earlier than the due date. Sebab perut sangat besar dan turun ke bawah. however, here i am, still pregnant..huhu

Sehari sebelum due date adalah hari terakhir appoinment di klinik kesihatan ibu dan anak. Doctor scan baby untuk tengok keadaan baby. Alhamdulillah, baby is doing good. On that day baby weigh around 2.9kg. Semoga baby tak membesar dengan banyak sangat sebelum keluar. Takut jugak nanti baby susah nak keluar sebab besar sangat.

Hari appoinment tu jugak nurse ada buat CTG. Sebelum ni baca tentang ctg melalui blog orang lain dan akhirnya I get to experienced it sendiri. Alhamdulillah the CTG is showing that the baby's heart beat is fine.

Memandangkan saya tidak mengalami sebarang masalah ketika hamil seperti high blood pressure atau kencing manis (except for hb low sebab thalasemia) the doctor bagi chance seminggu lagi lepas due date untuk baby keluar dengan sendiri. In case lepas seminggu masih tiada tanda-tanda nak bersalin, haruslah serah diri ke hospital. Since my due date is on 21 December, jadi saya harus serah diri pada 27 December kalau belum bersalin lagi. However, i am praying hard that baby akan keluar secara natural yang mungkin dan dijauhkan dari perlu di induce atau di operate.May Allah make everything ease,insyaAllah.

WhatSoEva~ being overdue is so not fun. asyik berdebar-debar dan ternanti - nanti. Everyone kept asking baby dah keluar belum. However, Allah knows best when is the right time untuk baby keluar ke dunia. Only to Him saya berserah. Moga semua baik-baik saja. Sementara baby keluar lets enjoy the pregnancy journey dan rnjoying masa berdua..heee

Till then insyaAllah,

May Allah Bless~

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