My TTC Journey

Assalamualaikum wbt

Alhamdulillah. all praise hanya untuk Allah s.w.t yang Maha berkuasa. After almost 3 years being a TTCian we finally get to see the double line we have been waiting for. Alhamdulillah again.

Just to jot down my TTC story as a memory for me or maybe for my little one to read someday. To let him/her/them know that we have been waiting for him/her/them. It was a tough yet very meaningful journey. Maha suci Allah yang menjadikan setiap perkara tanpa sia-sia..

TTC stands for trying to conceive. This kind of case sebenarnya semakin banyak because of many factors seperti persekitaran, pemakanan, genetics atau masih belum ada rezeki. Usually bila kita adalah TTCian kita akan lebih rasa rendah diri and sedih lebih-lebih lagi in Malaysia not having a baby adalah sesuatu yang memalukan to our community. Plus melihat kawan dan sedara sebaya yang sentiasa menambah ahli keluarga sedikit sebanyak buat kita rasa cemburu, ye la siapa yang tidak mahukan zuriat keturunan sendiri kan.Tp alhamdulillah, kesedaran ttg TTCian ni dah semakin meningkat means TTCian dah semakin positif tentang perkara ni dan lebih terbuka. Treatment-treatment pon semakin menyeluruh also the community semakin sedar that its not our choice to not have a baby and we shouldnt be blame dan dilihat seperti perkara yang memalukan. If you are a TTCian, do find supports group macam through facebook atau blogs...most TTCian akan tulis blog to share their pengalaman and perasaan, al maklumlah jarang sangat orang faham TTCian unless orang tu pon also a TTCian. So memang sangat banyak maklumat tentang TTC boleh dapat through their blogs.

Okay back to my TTC journey..

in August 2012 Me and Mr Husband got married. Kami tak pernah kenal each other sebelum kahwin. Husband was a student in Holland at that time, he only came back to Malaysia untuk berkahwin and will be leaving me for about 6 month after two weeks of our marriage. Walaupon we only have two weeks together, tapi anything can happen kan..husband suggested that we should hold segala plan of having a baby sehingga I join him in Holland. Instead of risau me being pregnant alone in Malaysia plus still studying, the procedure untuk tinggal di Holland juga lebih complicated especially tentang perkara berkaitan health insurance if the baby was not conceived in Holland.

February 2013 I safely arrived in Holland. Baru-baru lagi kat sana kami masih rasa okay, not much pressure and enjoying our time there. Kawan-kawan di Delft semua cakap don't worry selalu cepat lekat disini.. saya senyum and amin kan je la.hehe.. Tapi memang betul, one by one kawan kat sana get pregnant and having babies. memang meriah Delft dengan ibu-ibu mengandung yang berseri-seri and newborn baby yang comel sangat. Dalam hati wishing that my time will come soon..tapi still no pressure. Alhamdulillah kawan-kawan kat sana sangat supportive. Tapi after a few month staying in Holland I was actually dah mula risau about my condition. Lebih-lebih lagi since tinggal di Holland saya perasan that my period sangat haywire dan tak regular. However, Mr Husband was super busy and sangat serabut dengan his study. As a wife I wanted to give him my full support and think that his study should be our main priority. So we decided not to think much about having a baby and try to focus on Husband's study while enjoying our short stay in Holland. Pertanyaan-pertanyaan dari tanah air memang tak putus-putus dan kami mampu cakap belum rezeki and mohon mereka doa-doakan.

March 2014 kami pulang ke tanah air tercinta. As expected memang sangat banyak pertanyaan such as balik berdua je ke? or Tak ada Baby Holland? or Merancang ke u ollss?.... Again smile and minta mereka doa-doakan. We were quite busy masa mula-mula pulang from Holland. Still tak ada masa untuk fikir dengan serius tentang perkara ni. Jadi, I started with finding information about irregular period, infertility, pengalaman TTCians, klinik-klinik yang ada tawarkan rawatan etc.

Around October 2014 baru la kami finally dapat pergi berjumpa pakar. We decided to go to LPPKN untuk seek for advise dan treatment. Reasonnya kami pilih LPPKN is because LPPKN ni macam tengah-tengah la antara private dan hospital government. Dari segi kos rawatan, mahal sedikit dari hospital kerajaan tapi much cheaper than hospital swasta. Dari segi masa pula lebih cepat berbanding hospital kerajaan. Untuk kakitangan kerajaan, boleh claim ye kalau dapatkan rawatan di LPPKN.

Banyaklah perkara yang both of us perlu lalui such as blood test, HSG (periksa tube fallapio, etc), cucuk sana cucuk sini yang mana bukan procedure yang menyenangkan. I was diagnosed as a mild PCOSer (imbalance hormon) which was so frustrating tapi we try to keep being positif, at least masih ad peluang untuk mencuba. Maka banyak juga ubat-ubatan, supplements dan makanan sunnah that we have to consume.

As expected kos untuk TTC ni memang agak tinggi untuk kami yang berpendapatan sederhana ni. Maka haruslah buat tabung khas untuk TTC dan cut cost untuk perbelanjaan lain macam makan-makan, pakai-pakai, jalan-jalan..hehe. Alhamdulillah semua dipermudahkan.

On december 2014 we decided to try our first IUI however the result turns out to be a big fat negative. Its ok, kami masih postif dan keep trying.

Awal tahun 2015, me and husband decided to change our daily diet selepas kami buat sedikit research and pembacaan tentang PCOS. We found out that PCOSers haruslah kurangkan pengambilan karbs dan sugar because these two things boleh mempengaruhi our hormon. Maka kami bercadang untuk cuba diet atkins. Husband was trying to lose some weight and I was trying to stabilize my hormon. Doing atkins is one of the toughest part in my TTC journey. memang sangat full with drama. ye la kan, seorang yang loves to enjoy good food tetiba terpaksa emit all the sugars and carbs, memang agak terkejut la kan..hehe.. Alhamdulillah I have my mr husband yang sentiasa remind me and supporting me..hehe.. He lost a lot of weight too..Bravo dear! Doing atkins was also quite a challenge sebab susah sebenarnya nak explain to orang sekeliling kenapa kita tak makan nasi and tak ambil langsung sugars walaupon benda tu dalam sos atau kicap je. jeles tau sebenarnya tengok orang lain yang boleh makan suka hati tapi easily get pregnant. Rezeki masing-masing kan. InsyaAllah this is the best for me. Actually, jaga pemakanan bukan sahaja sebagai usaha untuk conceive tapi juga untuk kesihatan berpanjangan. PCOSers yang tidak mengawal kandungan karbs dan sugars lebih mudah untuk obese dan mendapat diabetes dan high blood pressure. Maka better cegah semua tu sebelum terlambat, insyaAllah.

We decided to do our second IUI in march 2015. Kira our last treatment sebelum kami berpindah for good to Jeli, Kelantan. Di Kelantan nanti, we may have to stop doing treatments untuk masa yang agak panjang sebab kemudahan untuk fertility treatment tak banyak di sana.Lebih-lebih lagi tinggal jauh dari bandar kemudahan agak kurang. Nak buat fertility treatment juga perlukan komitmen yang sangat tinggi which macam agak susah di Kelantan nanti sebab for sure husband akan bertambah sibuk bila dah mula bekerja. Hence, kami agak eager to do our treatment kali ni. However, banyak benda doesnt go as plan. Treatment kali ni Dr has given me a higher dose of ubat hormon dimana setiap ubat itu perlu dimakan/ dicucuk pada waktu yang sama setiap hari. Being a careless me dan bulan itu we were super busy sebab husband have a lot of presentation and submission, I kept forgetting to take the medicine. Sebab banyak kali terlupa, I was expecting hasilnya kurang berkesan, and it was true. The condition yang diperlukan untuk buat IUI tidak ada maka Dr decided untuk kami tidak proceed with IUI. Frust again tapi try to keep being positive.

Since the IUI was canceled, kami just lalui hari-hari seperti biasa. And me, waiting for my period to come because I was planning to ask my Dr the ubat hormon buat kali terakhir before berpindah. At least I have one more month to try..hehe..Tunggu punya tunggu my Aunty Flow (Period) tak berkunjung tiba. And that is when I found my first double line ever. Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar. It was definitely an unexpected double line. To me it seems to be a hopeless cycle tapi Benarlah If Allah says jadi makan jadilah ia.

Maka berakhirlah pencarian double line kami buat masa sekarang and I may have to go through it again someday. The baby in the tummy is still very small and I have to prepare myself to anything that might happen and try my best to take good care of it, insyaAllah :).

Being a TTCian memang memerlukan ketabahan from both suami dan isteri. A lot that you will have to face. Setiap bulan pon akan melalui fasa penuh pengharapan, kemudian kekecewaan dan berusaha untuk bangkit kembali. Apa yang penting dont ever give up. Do seek for medical advise dari mereka yang pakar. Dan dari pandangan peribadi saya, healthy eating lifestyle is the most important thing dan I believe ini dipersetujui oleh most TTCian yang lain. Kalau pemakanan tak jaga no matter apa treatment dan supplements that you take kesannya mungkin lebih lambat, walaupon it depends atas individu dan rezeki dari Allah.

So, thats it. My TTC journey. It wasnt very detail or else it will be very long and full with emotions..hehe..but hopefully its good enough to summarize the journey. :)

do pray for me, the baby, all the TTCians yang masih berusaha and to all of us :)

till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~