Why tired moms stayed up late

Assalamualaikum and hye everyone.

Hari tu konon acah-acah nak buat come back and write more often. Often la sangat kan.

Anyway, back to the topic..

Masa zaman remaja, anak dara and muda-mudi dulu I used to love to sleep..haha..I am the kind of type yang selalu tido awal. The only time I stayed up late is bila esok nak exam sebab study last minute 😁. Tapi masa master memang Lena selalu stay up late la sebab setiap masa ada test, assignment, etc etc and Skype dengan Mr Kimi di Delft (eh 😁). Selepas kahwin pun, I rarely stayed up late. Mr kimi pon bukan sejenis suka tidur lewat sebab selalu prefer untuk bangun awal.

However, after being a mom everything changed.. Now, I usually will stay up after putting Hanan to sleep. Walaupon selalunya masa tidurkan Hanan I was like so sleepy and tertidur together with Hanan I will usually woke up again. Ergh so not me..

Its because I need my ME TIME

Walaupon agak penat and I would really love to snuggle in bed by my baby after a long day before Hanan calls for some more milk and cuddles, I mean the bed is so tempting tapi I just need my time alone (or accompanied by Mr Kimi)

I am a stay at home mom. Dari bangun until Hanan sleep everything I do is mostly about house chores and her. Sekarang Hanan only nap once a day around 10 am which I usually used that time to cook for lunch. After that I will be playing with Hanan or do house work together with Hanan, setakat yang termampu la sebab Hanan is super clingy. Of course la, Hanan being just an almost 2 years old girl would not be all nice and polite and behave all day. Everyday I would be facing a 'happy, cheerful then a never stop whining and then cry and wanting ibu by her side all the time' kid. It needs a very high level of patient and calmness to face that.

Everyday I would try to give my best to Hanan. But there are times when I couldn't gives Hanan my 100%. I couldn't remain calm when Hanan annoys or upsets me. I started to raise my voice or even ignore her (sebab tengah cuba sabarkan diri). Selain daripada I was so afraid that Hanan was hurt emotionally because of what I did, it actually gives a really bad effect on me too (I'm hurt emotionally too, pretty bad) sebab I keep regretting what I did to Hanan and feels like a really bad mom and it leads to some sort f depression on me.

At first I thought it was because I feel tired from doing all the housework together with taking care of Hanan. So sometimes I would tell my husband that I dont feel like cooking or I just wanted to rest that day. Tp it doesn't work (But sometimes I really do want an off day from housework, I dont even want to see the kitchen...haha). On that 'kind' of day I usually prefer to do the house work rather than entertaining Hanan. I feel so bad bout that about.

Then I realized I get so stressed because I need sometime to just focus on me. I just need that time alone doing something that has nothing to do with housework or Hanan to recharge my self especially emotionally and spiritually. Alhamdulillah setakat ni Hanan memang sejenis yang tidur awal. Paling lewat pon until 9pm Something (akan terjaga beberapa kali untuk susu) so I get to enjoy my me time awal sikit and doesn't have to sleep too late (kadang-kadang memang terlewat jugak Sebab sayangnya nak lepaskan waktu sendiri ni 😁)

I used to post about how I am always in dilemma between catching up sleep and enjoying my me time and I get quite few feedback that they rather sleep and their me time is with their family. Mula-mula tu rasa macam teruk jugak la, rasa macam selfish sangat. Ye la, staying up late means bangun pagi nanti penat skit la tak berapa nak cergas sangat untuk layan Hanan n Mr kimi. Tapi bila tengok balik yang says they rather sleep is usually a working mom. They went out, met other people, do nothing related to their house during the day and doesn't have to listen to their kids whining the whole day. They are tired and the first thing want to do bila balik is be with their family. So I guess keperluan setiap orang berbeza so memang tak boleh judge.

Bila sebut pasal me time memang kita selalu akan terfikir tentang enjoying coffee alone, tengok movie or read books or going shopping, means something foya-foya to have fun je. Yes very true, seronoknya dapat buat semua tu bila me-time (dapat makan tanpa gangguan is nikmat, window shopping is like a therapy..hehe) tapi for me, me time is much more than that. I need that time alone untuk perbaiki amal ibadat, tahu je la siang-siang hari solat cepat je, nak ambil wudhuk pon ad penunggu, time solat Ada je yang tarik-tarik telekung, kalau Hanan senyap je time solat lagi la risau asyik dok fikir ap dia tengah buat 😅.Dan of course to do many-many things dalam usaha untuk perbaiki diri contoh macam dapat jahit, baca buku, listen to tazkirah, plan for hanan's activities, read al-quran....

Memang rasa ada perubahan skit bila dapat ber me-time. Rasa lebih gembira n tenang walaupon still struggling setiap hari to be a better mom.. I always believe that happy mom will lead to a Happy family, insyaAllah.

Ok penat dah Mrs Kimi rant. Setelah sekian lama post ni tak berkesudahan..hehe

Whatsoever, moga Allah mudahkan semua urusan for me and other moms to be a much better person to our family,insyaAllah.

Till then,
May Allah Bless

posted from Bloggeroid

When the time is right..

Assalamualaikum wbt

Okay, this is actually an outdated post. dah sangat lama tulis ni (masa awal-awal discovered my pregnancy) tapi tak habis. I thought it is worth finishing and posting it since we are about to start our TTC journey again, insyaAllah.

so here is the real post

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The day I discovered that there is a little soul growing in my tummy, terus teringat my parents and my in laws. I was so excited to break the news to them. As the first daughter yang get married in the family, dan menantu sulung in my in law's family, I was always hoping that I could someday give my parents and my parents in laws cucu-cucu. Alhamdulillah finally Allah has given me the chance.

I have a beautiful and kind hearted mother in law. sepanjang almost three years I have been married to his eldest son, tak pernah sekali pon Ma bertanya tentang apa-apa sahaja yang berkaitan dengan me being pregnant walaupon deep down inside I know both my in laws memang teringin sangat nak cucu. About 5 month ago, my adik ipar got pregnant tapi not even once Ma mention about this to me. Dapat tahu about my SIL pregnancy pon by agak-agak je..hehe..

The day me and husband decided to break the news to my MIL that we are expecting a new member in the family, Subhanallah Ma was so happy, alhamdulillah. That was when Ma told me that she never talked to me about this matter because she believed that Allah will give to us when the time is right, so we should patiently wait and keep praying for the best.

Yes memang betul..Allah knows best. Memang rasa tempoh 3 years menunggu tu agak panjang, kadang-kadang terasa lelah menanti dan berusaha, astaghfirullahalazim. betapa lemahnya diri kan. Tapi bila difikirkan semula memang perancangan Allah tiada cacat celanya. Maha suci Allah yang Maha Mengetahui

Looking back at the past three years. Allah bagi kami suami isteri honeymoon lama sikit. Mungkin untuk sesi suai kenal sebelum memikul tanggungjawab yang jauh lagi besar. Me and husband tak pernah saling mengenali before getting married. Ni serius punya tak kenal. Memang tak pernah jumpa atau dengar suara. Berhubung pon only through emails bila terlalu perlu which is setiap email memang pendek-pendek just untuk selesaikan apa yang patut. Dua-dua pon memang dari latar belakang yang sangat jauh berbeza, lifestyle berbeza. To be honest memang it took me sometime to get used to living with my husband. To be at the point we are now which is we can accept each other's weakness and  lebih mudah untu berbincang about apa-apa that we have in mind and walaupon we still do have misundertanding once a while tapi it is so much better compared to the early days of our marriage. Plus, all the things that we went through to conceived memang sangat berharga. All those time we went through together are so meaningful to us and I believed it made us so much close to each other and also to Allah SWT.  So, alhamdulillah for the time :)

Then, bila ingat balik how busy my husband was back in Holland and in JB memang rasa semuanya ada hikmah sangat. My husband was so busy with his study and I was trying my best to support him setakat termampu. His days mostly spent in his university dan selalunya sampai lewat malam and sometimes I would also be there to bring him some things to eat and to accompany him. Tipu la kalau tak teringin nak merasa having a baby and raising him/her in Holland but memang waktu tu was quite a stressful time for us. Jadi bila kadang-kadang orang cakap alahai Hanan lambat sangat keluar, tak merasa jadi orang Dutch I usually just smile and said Allah knows best :)

Whatever it is, lets just try to trust Allah plans. Dia yang cipta kita kan, He nows whats best for us. Tapi that doesnt mean we have to stop trying and hoping.

Till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

A come back?

Assalamualaikum wbt

Wow its been more than a year and a half since my last post. I've been wanting to write since Hanan was born (Yes our dear little angel was named Hanan). Theres so many things that I wanted to write. Of course most f it is about Hanan. The mom in me said that i should stop making excuses and starts writing. I mean i wanted to remember and cherish every moment with Hanan but I doesnt seems to remember exactly when did Hanan's first teeth comes out or when did she had her first step and everything else. I'm sooo getting old...haha. So i hope that i will be able to jot down here Hanan's development from time to time, my thoughts, feelings and experience in parenting and life and any kind of reminders for me as a servant of Allah, a mom, wife, daughter, siblings etc... And of course hopefully i could improve my writing skill by writing here. Rasa macam dah berkarat otak since duduk dekat rumah which is not good sebab i really wanted to be a stay at home mom yang active, knowledgeable, independent and has a lot skills.

So, bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Moga Allah mudahkan semua urusan to actively write here dan may it be something that will gives a lot of benefits in whatever way,insyaAllah.

Till then,

May Allah Bless~