"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah , dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamu orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman"[Al-Imran:139]

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Why tired moms stayed up late

Assalamualaikum and hye everyone.

Hari tu konon acah-acah nak buat come back and write more often. Often la sangat kan.

Anyway, back to the topic..

Masa zaman remaja, anak dara and muda-mudi dulu I used to love to sleep..haha..I am the kind of type yang selalu tido awal. The only time I stayed up late is bila esok nak exam sebab study last minute 😁. Tapi masa master memang Lena selalu stay up late la sebab setiap masa ada test, assignment, etc etc and Skype dengan Mr Kimi di Delft (eh 😁). Selepas kahwin pun, I rarely stayed up late. Mr kimi pon bukan sejenis suka tidur lewat sebab selalu prefer untuk bangun awal.

However, after being a mom everything changed.. Now, I usually will stay up after putting Hanan to sleep. Walaupon selalunya masa tidurkan Hanan I was like so sleepy and tertidur together with Hanan I will usually woke up again. Ergh so not me..

Its because I need my ME TIME

Walaupon agak penat and I would really love to snuggle in bed by my baby after a long day before Hanan calls for some more milk and cuddles, I mean the bed is so tempting tapi I just need my time alone (or accompanied by Mr Kimi)

I am a stay at home mom. Dari bangun until Hanan sleep everything I do is mostly about house chores and her. Sekarang Hanan only nap once a day around 10 am which I usually used that time to cook for lunch. After that I will be playing with Hanan or do house work together with Hanan, setakat yang termampu la sebab Hanan is super clingy. Of course la, Hanan being just an almost 2 years old girl would not be all nice and polite and behave all day. Everyday I would be facing a 'happy, cheerful then a never stop whining and then cry and wanting ibu by her side all the time' kid. It needs a very high level of patient and calmness to face that.

Everyday I would try to give my best to Hanan. But there are times when I couldn't gives Hanan my 100%. I couldn't remain calm when Hanan annoys or upsets me. I started to raise my voice or even ignore her (sebab tengah cuba sabarkan diri). Selain daripada I was so afraid that Hanan was hurt emotionally because of what I did, it actually gives a really bad effect on me too (I'm hurt emotionally too, pretty bad) sebab I keep regretting what I did to Hanan and feels like a really bad mom and it leads to some sort f depression on me.

At first I thought it was because I feel tired from doing all the housework together with taking care of Hanan. So sometimes I would tell my husband that I dont feel like cooking or I just wanted to rest that day. Tp it doesn't work (But sometimes I really do want an off day from housework, I dont even want to see the kitchen...haha). On that 'kind' of day I usually prefer to do the house work rather than entertaining Hanan. I feel so bad bout that about.

Then I realized I get so stressed because I need sometime to just focus on me. I just need that time alone doing something that has nothing to do with housework or Hanan to recharge my self especially emotionally and spiritually. Alhamdulillah setakat ni Hanan memang sejenis yang tidur awal. Paling lewat pon until 9pm Something (akan terjaga beberapa kali untuk susu) so I get to enjoy my me time awal sikit and doesn't have to sleep too late (kadang-kadang memang terlewat jugak Sebab sayangnya nak lepaskan waktu sendiri ni 😁)

I used to post about how I am always in dilemma between catching up sleep and enjoying my me time and I get quite few feedback that they rather sleep and their me time is with their family. Mula-mula tu rasa macam teruk jugak la, rasa macam selfish sangat. Ye la, staying up late means bangun pagi nanti penat skit la tak berapa nak cergas sangat untuk layan Hanan n Mr kimi. Tapi bila tengok balik yang says they rather sleep is usually a working mom. They went out, met other people, do nothing related to their house during the day and doesn't have to listen to their kids whining the whole day. They are tired and the first thing want to do bila balik is be with their family. So I guess keperluan setiap orang berbeza so memang tak boleh judge.

Bila sebut pasal me time memang kita selalu akan terfikir tentang enjoying coffee alone, tengok movie or read books or going shopping, means something foya-foya to have fun je. Yes very true, seronoknya dapat buat semua tu bila me-time (dapat makan tanpa gangguan is nikmat, window shopping is like a therapy..hehe) tapi for me, me time is much more than that. I need that time alone untuk perbaiki amal ibadat, tahu je la siang-siang hari solat cepat je, nak ambil wudhuk pon ad penunggu, time solat Ada je yang tarik-tarik telekung, kalau Hanan senyap je time solat lagi la risau asyik dok fikir ap dia tengah buat 😅.Dan of course to do many-many things dalam usaha untuk perbaiki diri contoh macam dapat jahit, baca buku, listen to tazkirah, plan for hanan's activities, read al-quran....

Memang rasa ada perubahan skit bila dapat ber me-time. Rasa lebih gembira n tenang walaupon still struggling setiap hari to be a better mom.. I always believe that happy mom will lead to a Happy family, insyaAllah.

Ok penat dah Mrs Kimi rant. Setelah sekian lama post ni tak berkesudahan..hehe

Whatsoever, moga Allah mudahkan semua urusan for me and other moms to be a much better person to our family,insyaAllah.

Till then,
May Allah Bless
posted from Bloggeroid

Monday, October 9, 2017

When the time is right..

Assalamualaikum wbt

Okay, this is actually an outdated post. dah sangat lama tulis ni (masa awal-awal discovered my pregnancy) tapi tak habis. I thought it is worth finishing and posting it since we are about to start our TTC journey again, insyaAllah.

so here is the real post


The day I discovered that there is a little soul growing in my tummy, terus teringat my parents and my in laws. I was so excited to break the news to them. As the first daughter yang get married in the family, dan menantu sulung in my in law's family, I was always hoping that I could someday give my parents and my parents in laws cucu-cucu. Alhamdulillah finally Allah has given me the chance.

I have a beautiful and kind hearted mother in law. sepanjang almost three years I have been married to his eldest son, tak pernah sekali pon Ma bertanya tentang apa-apa sahaja yang berkaitan dengan me being pregnant walaupon deep down inside I know both my in laws memang teringin sangat nak cucu. About 5 month ago, my adik ipar got pregnant tapi not even once Ma mention about this to me. Dapat tahu about my SIL pregnancy pon by agak-agak je..hehe..

The day me and husband decided to break the news to my MIL that we are expecting a new member in the family, Subhanallah Ma was so happy, alhamdulillah. That was when Ma told me that she never talked to me about this matter because she believed that Allah will give to us when the time is right, so we should patiently wait and keep praying for the best.

Yes memang betul..Allah knows best. Memang rasa tempoh 3 years menunggu tu agak panjang, kadang-kadang terasa lelah menanti dan berusaha, astaghfirullahalazim. betapa lemahnya diri kan. Tapi bila difikirkan semula memang perancangan Allah tiada cacat celanya. Maha suci Allah yang Maha Mengetahui

Looking back at the past three years. Allah bagi kami suami isteri honeymoon lama sikit. Mungkin untuk sesi suai kenal sebelum memikul tanggungjawab yang jauh lagi besar. Me and husband tak pernah saling mengenali before getting married. Ni serius punya tak kenal. Memang tak pernah jumpa atau dengar suara. Berhubung pon only through emails bila terlalu perlu which is setiap email memang pendek-pendek just untuk selesaikan apa yang patut. Dua-dua pon memang dari latar belakang yang sangat jauh berbeza, lifestyle berbeza. To be honest memang it took me sometime to get used to living with my husband. To be at the point we are now which is we can accept each other's weakness and  lebih mudah untu berbincang about apa-apa that we have in mind and walaupon we still do have misundertanding once a while tapi it is so much better compared to the early days of our marriage. Plus, all the things that we went through to conceived memang sangat berharga. All those time we went through together are so meaningful to us and I believed it made us so much close to each other and also to Allah SWT.  So, alhamdulillah for the time :)

Then, bila ingat balik how busy my husband was back in Holland and in JB memang rasa semuanya ada hikmah sangat. My husband was so busy with his study and I was trying my best to support him setakat termampu. His days mostly spent in his university dan selalunya sampai lewat malam and sometimes I would also be there to bring him some things to eat and to accompany him. Tipu la kalau tak teringin nak merasa having a baby and raising him/her in Holland but memang waktu tu was quite a stressful time for us. Jadi bila kadang-kadang orang cakap alahai Hanan lambat sangat keluar, tak merasa jadi orang Dutch I usually just smile and said Allah knows best :)

Whatever it is, lets just try to trust Allah plans. Dia yang cipta kita kan, He nows whats best for us. Tapi that doesnt mean we have to stop trying and hoping.

Till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

Friday, August 4, 2017

A come back?

Assalamualaikum wbt

Wow its been more than a year and a half since my last post. I've been wanting to write since Hanan was born (Yes our dear little angel was named Hanan). Theres so many things that I wanted to write. Of course most f it is about Hanan. The mom in me said that i should stop making excuses and starts writing. I mean i wanted to remember and cherish every moment with Hanan but I doesnt seems to remember exactly when did Hanan's first teeth comes out or when did she had her first step and everything else. I'm sooo getting old...haha. So i hope that i will be able to jot down here Hanan's development from time to time, my thoughts, feelings and experience in parenting and life and any kind of reminders for me as a servant of Allah, a mom, wife, daughter, siblings etc... And of course hopefully i could improve my writing skill by writing here. Rasa macam dah berkarat otak since duduk dekat rumah which is not good sebab i really wanted to be a stay at home mom yang active, knowledgeable, independent and has a lot skills.

So, bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Moga Allah mudahkan semua urusan to actively write here dan may it be something that will gives a lot of benefits in whatever way,insyaAllah.

Till then,

May Allah Bless~

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Pregnancy Diary: Overdue

Assalamualaikum wbt

Today i am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Memang nervous dan berdebar je sentiasa menanti baby bagi signals untuk keluar. But alhamdulillah, i made it this far. All praise be to Allah.

Up to now, i have gained 20kg. Bayangkan la betapa besarnya and heavy i am. Jalan pon dah tak berapa stabil dah..heh. My tummy was super big since 8 bulan lagi. Kaki pon dah teramat sangat sembab. Semua orang around me especially makcik-makcik and nenek-nenek said that i will be giving birth earlier than the due date. Sebab perut sangat besar dan turun ke bawah. however, here i am, still pregnant..huhu

Sehari sebelum due date adalah hari terakhir appoinment di klinik kesihatan ibu dan anak. Doctor scan baby untuk tengok keadaan baby. Alhamdulillah, baby is doing good. On that day baby weigh around 2.9kg. Semoga baby tak membesar dengan banyak sangat sebelum keluar. Takut jugak nanti baby susah nak keluar sebab besar sangat.

Hari appoinment tu jugak nurse ada buat CTG. Sebelum ni baca tentang ctg melalui blog orang lain dan akhirnya I get to experienced it sendiri. Alhamdulillah the CTG is showing that the baby's heart beat is fine.

Memandangkan saya tidak mengalami sebarang masalah ketika hamil seperti high blood pressure atau kencing manis (except for hb low sebab thalasemia) the doctor bagi chance seminggu lagi lepas due date untuk baby keluar dengan sendiri. In case lepas seminggu masih tiada tanda-tanda nak bersalin, haruslah serah diri ke hospital. Since my due date is on 21 December, jadi saya harus serah diri pada 27 December kalau belum bersalin lagi. However, i am praying hard that baby akan keluar secara natural yang mungkin dan dijauhkan dari perlu di induce atau di operate.May Allah make everything ease,insyaAllah.

WhatSoEva~ being overdue is so not fun. asyik berdebar-debar dan ternanti - nanti. Everyone kept asking baby dah keluar belum. However, Allah knows best when is the right time untuk baby keluar ke dunia. Only to Him saya berserah. Moga semua baik-baik saja. Sementara baby keluar lets enjoy the pregnancy journey dan rnjoying masa berdua..heee

Till then insyaAllah,

May Allah Bless~

posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Pregancy Diary: Braxton Hicks

Assalamualaikum wbt

Braxton Hicks or also known as False contraction selalunya akan dirasai oleh ibu mengandung bila masuk final trimester. Tapi bergantung kepada orang jugak. Ada juga yang tak mengalami braxton hicks, ad juga yang rasa pada skala yang kecil means rasa contraction tu tak kuat dan ada jugak yang rasa pada skala yang lebih tinggi. No matter what, the pain tak boleh lawan rasa contraction yang sebenar. Certain people panggil braxton Hicks as contraction practice sebab ibu-ibu dapat gambaran lebih kurang how the real contraction will be.

Minggu lepas,during my 30th week..buat pertama kalinya I experienced Braxton Hicks. Sepanjang mingu tersebut I wasnt feeling very well. I was having flu and a super bad headache. Memang sangat tak selesa. On friday me ad husband decided to spend our weekend at our house di jeli je instead of balik rumah MIL in Tumpat. Malas rasa nak travel jauh-jauh dengan keadaan yang tak selesa ni tapi dah beritahu Mr Husband that I wanted to go to the Pasar pagi untuk beli barang dapur. Husband mula-mula tak benarkan since I wasnt in a very god condition tapi saya nak juga ikut sekali sebab rasanya saya perlu kluar sebab dah seminggu terperuk dalm rumah. I need some fresh air (walaupon tgh jerebu) Mngkin boleh kurangkan sedikit rasa sakit kepala.

I made husband his roti telur for breakfast and I had roti dengan peanut butter sekadar nak alas perut sebab tekak rasa sangat pahit, semua makanan rasa tak sedap. Semalam pon, the whole day I only had a few pieces of bread. While having our breakfast,tiba-tiba saya rasa perut sangat sakit. Memulas-mulas. Beberapa kali berulang alik ke toilet tp end up dengan tak membuang apa-apa pon. Perut semakin sakit. Duduk tak kena, berdiri tak kena,baring pon ak kena. Husband sapukan minyak mestika in case dapat legakan rasa sakit tapi memang tak membantu langsung. Still rasa sangat sakit.Then husband cakap sakit mungkin sebab I havent eaten anything heavy since yesterday. So husband pon keluar untuk cari nasi. So  I was alone dekat rumah cuba tahan sakit. I was worried apa-apa jadi pada baby tapi since baby bergerak dengan sangat aktif rasa lega sikit. Ada jugak terdetik dalam hati, baby dah nak keluar ke? Can't be sebab baru 30 minggu. Kebetulan plak that week a few kawan-kawan dalam group PCOSers Malaysia kongiskan berita sedih tentang kehilangan baby mereka dalam perut atau air ketuban pecah awal around 34-36 weeks.. (moga Allah beri ganti yang lebih baik buat mereka dan beri ketabahan...Hugsss untuk mereka I can just feel the pain..sobsss). I keep on praying supaya Allah lindungi my baby..semoga semua baik-baik aje, dijauhkan dari perkara yang tak diingini. Dalam setengah jam kemudian, rasa sakit tu makin berkurang.alhamdulillah. Rasa lega yang teramat sangat. bila dah rasa much better terus ambil phone dan search kot ada bloggers yang ada pengalaman  rasa sakit yang sama. rupa-rupanya what I just went through tu adalah Braxton Hicks.Memang tak terlintas pon di kepala masa sakit tadi walupon dah beberapa kali terbaca tentang Braxton Hicks ni. Alhamdulillah, at least saya tahu macam mana rasa Braxton Hicks ni dan cuba preparekan diri incase dia menyerang lagi atau the real contracton datang nanti. May Allah make everything ease insyaAllah.

Till then, insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Pregnancy diary: Fasa terakhir (Third Trimester)

Assalamualaikum wbt

Alhamdulillah.alhamdulillah.alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah The All Mighty.

Macam tak percaya je dah masuk trimester terakhir. Rasa macam cepat je masa berlalu. Sometimes rasa nak cepat-cepat je deliver baby sebab asyik risau je keadaan baby dan I just can't wait to see my little precious. Tapi kadang-kadang I just dont want time to fly so fast sebab I wanted to enjoy the pregnancy journey which I will definitely miss nanti. Apa-apa pon yang paling penting baby is doing fine,insyaAllah

Up to now ive gain more than 10kg..sangat OMG ok. I feel so heavy. Semua bahagian badan pon tiba-tiba mengembang. Perut pon terasa sangat besar. How amazing our belly boleh stretch sampai macamtu..hehe Nurse dan doctors semua sangat risau dengan my weight gain. tambah pula dengan kaki yang sembab macam dah almost 9 month pregnancy. Disebabkan itu the doctor asked me to repeat minum air gula which makes my 4th time minum air gula. Sesiapa saja yang dengar that saya dah 4 kali minum air gula mesti sangat kagum dengan ketabahan menahan rasa air gula yang sangat tak sedap.huhuh.. however, Alhamdulillah bacaan gula is fine showing that im not having diabetes. My blood pressure pon ok..ahamdulillah. Hopefully everything will be fine hingga ke akhirnya,insyaAllah.

As for my Hb pula.. A few weeks ago, my Hb drops secara tiba-tiba which causes me untuk kerap rasa nak pitam. On the day I almost fainted  masa tengah solat subuh di masjid I decided that I should go see the doctor walaupon baru je ada appointment dengan doctor the day before. At first the doctor decided untuk transfer darah sebab I was quite weak at that time tapi again setelah berbincang dengan kawan-kawan seperjuangannya, the doctor decided untuk tidak transfer darah lagi since my Blood pressure dan albumin reading is fine. The doctor asked me untuk tingkatan dos pengambilan ubat iberet kepada dua kali sehari. Kena beli stok Iberet banyak-banyak nampaknya. Also Nampaknya kena control dan watch my diet balik la to help increase my Hb. Lets fill the fridge dengan sayur-sayur hijau..huu

Until my 28th week pregnancy ni dr masih belum buat utrasound scan. Bila sembang-sembang dengan mommies yang lain di klinik, rupa-rupanya kalau klinik kerajaan memang mereka akan buat scan on our first appoinment dan on our 32 weeks. Tapi ada juga kawan-kawan yang pergi ke klinik kerajaan tempat lain yang di scan lebih kerap. Bergantung atas klinik tapi yang ditetapkan is on 32 weeks utk scan ke 2.  Lambat pula nak tunggu 32 weeks. Rasa teringin sangat nak tengok baby and how she/he is doing. Jadi, me and husband decided untuk buat scan di klinik swasta next saturday on my 30 weeks. Hopefully baby tak sorok-sorok muka la. Ibu cant wait to see you baby..

Baby have been so active lately. Dah makin banyak bergerak. Mr Husband pon dah dapat rasa baby kicking and he is so excited. I started to have trouble sleeping at night. Walaupon baby banyak bergerak waktu malam, rasanya I have trouble sleeping bukan sebab pergerakan baby tapi sbab I couldnt  find the right position to sleep comfortably. Semua posisi pon rasa tak selesa jadi my night terhabis dengan terpusing-pusing trying to find the right position.

Preparation untuk sambut baby pon masih banyak yang perlu dibuat. Setakat ni me and husband cuma grab bebrapa baju bila ad sales. Barang-barang baby boleh tahan mahalnya. Ibu and abah memang kena banyak berjimat nampaknya. heee But we are so excited to prepare everything for you,baby. May Allah make everhting ease insyaAllah.

Beberapa minggu lagi I will be attending breastfeedng seminar. Cant wait for that. Banyak sangat seminar best-best that  really wanted to attend. Unfortunately semuanya di KL. Moga ada rezeki nanti, insyaAllah.

Oh yeah.. rasanya kurang lagi buat preparation untuk berpantang. Since dah tinggal about 3 bulan je lagi memang I should take hal berpantang ni seriously. Make sure ilmu ada secukupnya dan barang-barang yang diperlukan pon dah ada. I was actually hoping that I could be at my Family's house during my confinement time tapi setelah fikir kan all the pros and cons insyaAllah saya akan berpantang at my In law's kali ni. Since my MIL is working kalau boleh nak cuba kurangkan bebannya so at least I have to have a plan and know what to do.

Okay... Thats the update up to now. Moga Allah mudahkan segalanya, insyaAllah

Till then insyaAllah

May Allah Bless~